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I've Never Felt This Lonely.....

Yes...I'm only human. I do feel lonely at times...In fact, I've been feeling this way for quite some time now. It could partly be because of the fact that my roomies have all gone on vacation and I'm all alone in the apartment , or because my girlfriends' out of station too, But the fact remains that I'm going through one of those so called "transition" phases where you feel that its ok to have friends and lovers...But you sometimes need a break from all that jazz.
Oh , how I long to sit by someone unknown and just talk to them , no strings attached..!! How I long to interact with people without that deja vu feeling..
I've been in search for such a person for a long time now , but have never really
gotten close to finding anyone who thinks the same. You might think ...Hey, I've got friends ..I can talk to them ?? But , that's not what it's about.
Friends are more of a social thing. Most of my friends are either people I've known because of my studies , or because of common friends.But the worst part about friends and girlfriends/boyfriends is that you know so much about them or they know so much about you ,that you tend to change your moods, conversations and judgments to suit them . Atleast that's the case with me .
I'm the type of person who loves "discovering" people through the art of conversation. There's nothing like sitting and chatting with an unknown person over a cup of coffee. The very fact that you don't know shit about him/her makes it all the more thrilling. But the trouble starts when you get to know a person too well. Things start getting boring and predictable. You don't feel like hanging around anymore. You long to get to know someone new. Somebody you can start discovering all over again. Someone you can relate to once again , without the fear of knowing what preconditioned response they're going to give you.. ..And then the whole vicious cycle starts all over again..

How I wish I could stop it there !! How I really do wish I could ...

Hic...Hic...Hurray ..!!

Nothing like 5 bottles of chilled beer on a hot sunny day !!

""Ladies of the evening
Drinking booze and mingling
Mashing to the music, I can do anything
Freaky dicky star speckles and pink butterflies
And life is nice, so nice.
I walk into a club and Ive found paradise
Im seeing stars, I cant believe my eyes

Oh my starry eyed surprise.....""

He Aint No Tooth-Fairy ...

Well , I finally decided that its time I did something about my aching tooth before it gets all festered and rotten and starts to stink !! (I'm sorry....Did I gross you out ??)


So anyways...I went dentist hunting today.I visited three of the really good ones and found that the serpentine queues outside their clinics weren't bcoz of autographs !! So impatient ol' me decided to try a little lesser known dentist. Actually this dude was recommended to me by a (soon to be dead) friend of mine. So I step into his clinic and , Whoa...Its empty..!! I get called in by the doc, And guess what , this guy actually looks like Gandalf the wizard, from the lord of the rings trilogy... (minus the staff , of course...)



And before i could say abracadabra , there I was in the dentists chair, wondering what made me get into this mess. It's not that I didn't trust him or anything , it was his equipment...

I mean , this guys equipment looked like a blast from the past. I'm so used to the pristine white leather-coated , hi-tech chairs the other dentists have ,...and this one looked like it was used to fry some heads at the state prison.




I was getting a very negative vibe about the place .It Looked like a classic scene from a Frankenstien movie.The only things missing were the lightning in the sky, and the leather straps to bind me to the chair , which I suspected were stored in a creepy looking black safe in the corner of the room.

And don't you just hate it when the dentists try to start up a conversation with you when you have your mouth wide open ?? How the hell are you supposed to reply back? Stupid irritating quacks !! Still , I was relieved when he told me that he wouldn't be doing anything today ,and said I'll have to get the tooth extracted, and gave me an appointment for tomorrow afternoon .

I'm still in two minds whether to go or not...
For all I know , he'll probably knock it out with a hammer ...



Why do I always have to get all the freaks ??

Operation Gas-em-all ....

Goodness Gracious me !! First it's spiders from my ass ...and today i chipped a bit of my tooth too. Damm...!! Somebody must really hate me up there . I was just chewing on some bubble gum and something went CRUNCH... !! Looked into the gum and saw a peice of my molar snugly nested in there.At this rate ...i'm gonna be looking like this pretty soon ...



Anyways ..so since i figured out that i'm gonna turn into a toothless crooked old bum pretty soon, i thought of celebrating the fact by eating out at a sleazy kebab joint (mostly rumored to be the "bermuda triangle" for stray dogs, they just disappear when they're around the place )...



Well..the kebabs were pretty awesome. I must have finished like six of em.Was bloated to the core , but managed to ride home safely. But the trouble started as soon as i arrived home.My tummy started growling like a wild lioness in heat. After several trips to the loo, and a glass of rehydrating salts ,i'm feeling much better now, and It's safe to say that the loo has been quarantined, and my oh-so-helpful roomies have put "BIOHAZARD" stickers all over it.



Grrrr... !! Those Cretins.. !! I'm gonna get back at them real bad someday.
But to think of it , I probably would have been in great demand during world war II . They sure could have used me in the concentration camps to gas out prisoners.
Silent ...but lethal !! Or instead they could have used my farts to gas out hiroshima . Whoa... !! Get a load of this ...Countries would be building stockpiles of my Stinkers !! How awesome is that ?? To know that the power to make or break a nation vests purely in your hands ....errr....Bowels !! Sure is a comforting thought , aint it.... ??

Sigh.....!!! I'm just born in the wrong era ....

My spidey senses are tingling ...

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO IF YOU FIND A SPIDER UP YOUR ASS??

Believe me or not!! I was cleaning up with sum toilet paper after going to the loo and ...and look who i found...



Now this might not be the exact image ...but yeah, it was almost like it. I don’t know if it was on the paper before i used it.. or it was in my pants..
but YEEEEEOOOOOW !!...finding a spider in my ass gave me the creeps !!
What if I’m turning into a spider spawner or something ?? Have the spider-aliens from arachnidopolis chosen me as their host to breed and infect the world ??
Am i turning into an eight-legged freak ???

Spiderman, Spiderman
shitting spiders down the can
shits em out, any size
these hairy fellas aint so nice
look out here comes the Spiderman...



AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRGH ... !!!!

Gotta get myself examined !!

Die.... Muthafugger..... Die......!!!

Eeeeeeeeeyyaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...!!!

KaBoooooom.... !!!

I know I'm a bit late to comment about the recent blasts in New Delhi ...But I've been having these thoughts in my mind , and I just had to vomit them out to ya. The very fact that these people must have never even imagined that it would be their last day on the face of the earth makes it even more gruesome. Okay ...You're walking down the road, doing some window-shopping.... And then BAMMMMM!! ...Your innards are all over the place!! Sick, Sick, Sick!! Don't these terrorists have a life?? Don't they have families?? How can someone just be so casual about killing others, just in order to make a point?? Psychopaths...!! Raving Lunatics !! But then I guess that's the way this world is supposed to be. We dont live in an utopian society, and the shock value of such gruesome and tragic events makes us realize how lucky we are to be watching the news, instead of being in it. Life goes on, with a silent prayer for those deceased, and hope that there isn't a bomb somewhere with your name written on it.

Happy Halloween.....

Trick or Treat ??? You decide......

The Germans are coming....

The European Commission
has just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the Official Language of
the EU rather than German, which was the
other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's
government has conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement
and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan
that would be know as "EuroEnglish".

In the first year, "s" will replace the
soft "c". Sertainly this will make the
sivil servants jump for joy.

The hard "C" will be dropped in favor of
the "k". This should klear up konfusion
and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm
in the sekond year, when the troublesome
"ph" will be replased with the "f".

This will make words like "fotograf" 20%
shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the
new spelling kan be expekted to reach the
stage where more komplikated changes are
possible. Governments will enkourage the
removal of double letters, which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also al wil agre that the horible mes of
the silent "e" sin the language is
disraseful and they should go away.

By the 4th year, peopl wil be reseptiv
to steps such as replasing "th" with "z"
and"w" with "v".

During the fifz year, ze unesesary "o"
kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou"
and similar changes vud of kors be aplid
to ozer combinations of leters.

After the fifz yer, ve wil hav a reli
sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor
trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil
find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

Ze Drem Vil Finali Kum Tru!!
And Zen Ve Vil Take Over Ze Vorld!!

Sleeping in church....

This is a really funny joke i read on one of the humor websites..


A man approached the minister at his church….”Reverend,” he said, “We have a problem. My wife keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It’s very embarrassing, not to mention disrespectful. What can I do?”

“I’ve noticed this and have an idea if you’re up to the task,” said the minister. “Take this hat pin with you. I can see when Mrs. Jones is sleeping, and will motion to you. When I motion, you give her a good Poke in the leg with the hat pin.

He agreed to the plan. In church the following Sunday, Mrs. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. “And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?” he said nodding to Mr. Jones.

“Jesus!” Mrs. Jones cried out as her husband jabbed her in the leg with the sharp hat pin.

“Yes! You are correct, Mrs. Jones!” came the minister’s quick reply.

Mrs. Jones then turned and glared angrily at her husband. Mrs. Jones again nodded off. The minister noticed. “Who is your redeemer?” he asked the congregation, motioning toward Mr. Jones.

“My God!” howled Mrs. Jones as she was stuck again with the pin.

“Right again!” Bellowed the minister, a slight grin on his face.

Mrs. Jones again gave her husband a real hard threatening glare. Before long, though, she again nodded off. This time however, the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few hand gestures that Mr. Jones mistook as signals to sharply poke his wife with the hat pin again.

The minister asked, “And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?”

Mrs. Jones jumped up and shouted, “You stick that thing in me one more time and I’ll break it in half and shove it up your ass!”

“Amen!” replied all the women in the congregation.

Guidance...

~* Who's your daddy... ?? *~

Ambiguity ??

1. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

2. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

3. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

4. Is there another word for synonym?

5. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

6. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

7. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

8. If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

9. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

10. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

11. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

12. One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.

13. How is it possible to have a civil war?

14. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

15. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?

Ummm, Guys....

Yeah..!! And even that thing she does with the forceps...

My third grade report....

I'm destined for great things... !!

Chicken soup for my soul...

A holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said, “Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like. “The Lord led the holy man to two doors.

He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in. In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew which smelled delicious and made the holy man’s mouth water.

The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful, but because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths. The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.

The Lord said, “You have seen Hell.”

They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one. There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man’s mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking. The holy man said, “I don’t understand.”

It is simple” said the Lord, “it requires but one skill. You see, they have learned to feed each other. While the greedy think only of themselves.

Slogans For Womens Tees...

1. So many men, so few who can afford me.
2. God made us sisters; Prozac made us friends.
3. If they don't have chocolate in heaven, I ain't going.
4. At my age, I've seen it all, done it all, heard it all...I just
can't remember it all.
5. My Mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.
6. Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks
frog.
7. Coffee, chocolate, men . . . Some things are just better rich.
8. Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen.
9. If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
10. Dinner Is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.
11. It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
12. I'm out of estrogen-and I have a gun.
13. Guys have feelings too. But like...who cares?
14. Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
15. I hate everybody...and you're next.
16. And your point is...?
17. I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.
18. Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
19. Of course I don't look busy...I did it right the first time.
20. Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.
21. You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.
22. All stressed out and no one to choke.
23. I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.
24. How can I miss you if you won't go away?
25. Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not.
26. If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.
27. Don't upset me! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

Who says smoking causes impotency ??

The Da Blinksy Code...

Mona Lisa on Crack !!

Truly Inspiring ....

Today I had gone out to dine with a friend 0f mine whom i hadnt met for a long time. He's the type of guy who has a different outlook about life. While we were having dinner at a restaurant , he told me this little story which really set me thinking ....

There were two Buddhist monks who had to cross a river . Now there was a young girl who had to cross the river too , but was scared that the river might be too deep for her to manage. As in Buddhism , it was forbidden for the Buddhist monks to even touch a female . So the first monk just ignored the girl and waddled across the river. Now the second monk who was much kinder offered to carry the girl on his shoulders and safely crossed the river with her . Upon seeing this the first monk got enraged , but dint say anything to the second monk. After walking for about an hour the first monk finally let out his anger and said ...."You know it is forbidden in our religion to have any contact with the opposite sex , yet you carried that woman across your shoulders....?? "

Upon hearing this the second monk just smiled , and said " I had only carried and left her on the bank of the river , but it is you who is still carrying her in your mind.... "