The European Commission
has just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the Official Language of
the EU rather than German, which was the
other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's
government has conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement
and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan
that would be know as "EuroEnglish".
In the first year, "s" will replace the
soft "c". Sertainly this will make the
sivil servants jump for joy.
The hard "C" will be dropped in favor of
the "k". This should klear up konfusion
and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm
in the sekond year, when the troublesome
"ph" will be replased with the "f".
This will make words like "fotograf" 20%
shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the
new spelling kan be expekted to reach the
stage where more komplikated changes are
possible. Governments will enkourage the
removal of double letters, which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also al wil agre that the horible mes of
the silent "e" sin the language is
disraseful and they should go away.
By the 4th year, peopl wil be reseptiv
to steps such as replasing "th" with "z"
and"w" with "v".
During the fifz year, ze unesesary "o"
kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou"
and similar changes vud of kors be aplid
to ozer combinations of leters.
After the fifz yer, ve wil hav a reli
sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor
trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil
find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
Ze Drem Vil Finali Kum Tru!!
And Zen Ve Vil Take Over Ze Vorld!!
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Sleeping in church....
This is a really funny joke i read on one of the humor websites..
A man approached the minister at his church….”Reverend,” he said, “We have a problem. My wife keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It’s very embarrassing, not to mention disrespectful. What can I do?”
“I’ve noticed this and have an idea if you’re up to the task,” said the minister. “Take this hat pin with you. I can see when Mrs. Jones is sleeping, and will motion to you. When I motion, you give her a good Poke in the leg with the hat pin.
He agreed to the plan. In church the following Sunday, Mrs. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. “And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?” he said nodding to Mr. Jones.
“Jesus!” Mrs. Jones cried out as her husband jabbed her in the leg with the sharp hat pin.
“Yes! You are correct, Mrs. Jones!” came the minister’s quick reply.
Mrs. Jones then turned and glared angrily at her husband. Mrs. Jones again nodded off. The minister noticed. “Who is your redeemer?” he asked the congregation, motioning toward Mr. Jones.
“My God!” howled Mrs. Jones as she was stuck again with the pin.
“Right again!” Bellowed the minister, a slight grin on his face.
Mrs. Jones again gave her husband a real hard threatening glare. Before long, though, she again nodded off. This time however, the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few hand gestures that Mr. Jones mistook as signals to sharply poke his wife with the hat pin again.
The minister asked, “And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?”
Mrs. Jones jumped up and shouted, “You stick that thing in me one more time and I’ll break it in half and shove it up your ass!”
“Amen!” replied all the women in the congregation.
A man approached the minister at his church….”Reverend,” he said, “We have a problem. My wife keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It’s very embarrassing, not to mention disrespectful. What can I do?”
“I’ve noticed this and have an idea if you’re up to the task,” said the minister. “Take this hat pin with you. I can see when Mrs. Jones is sleeping, and will motion to you. When I motion, you give her a good Poke in the leg with the hat pin.
He agreed to the plan. In church the following Sunday, Mrs. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. “And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?” he said nodding to Mr. Jones.
“Jesus!” Mrs. Jones cried out as her husband jabbed her in the leg with the sharp hat pin.
“Yes! You are correct, Mrs. Jones!” came the minister’s quick reply.
Mrs. Jones then turned and glared angrily at her husband. Mrs. Jones again nodded off. The minister noticed. “Who is your redeemer?” he asked the congregation, motioning toward Mr. Jones.
“My God!” howled Mrs. Jones as she was stuck again with the pin.
“Right again!” Bellowed the minister, a slight grin on his face.
Mrs. Jones again gave her husband a real hard threatening glare. Before long, though, she again nodded off. This time however, the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few hand gestures that Mr. Jones mistook as signals to sharply poke his wife with the hat pin again.
The minister asked, “And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?”
Mrs. Jones jumped up and shouted, “You stick that thing in me one more time and I’ll break it in half and shove it up your ass!”
“Amen!” replied all the women in the congregation.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Ambiguity ??
1. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
2. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
3. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
4. Is there another word for synonym?
5. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
6. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
7. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
8. If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
9. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
10. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
11. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
12. One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.
13. How is it possible to have a civil war?
14. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
15. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?
2. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
3. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
4. Is there another word for synonym?
5. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
6. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
7. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
8. If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
9. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
10. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
11. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
12. One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.
13. How is it possible to have a civil war?
14. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
15. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?
Saturday, October 01, 2005
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