Now that you're gone...

Pune in the rains.., originally uploaded by raymasky.

Now that you're gone ...


everything seems so gloomy once again ...


the skies aint that pretty no more...


and life is so full of pain ....!

Sittin wit friends..

Who blow their life up in smoke.. :-)

O' Buddy ... Where arth thou ??

It's just one of those days...A day when I feel like the entire world is caving in on me. Why ? Frankly I don't know.. I just feel this way sometimes. Its depressing ...really ..depressing . Its at times like these that i really miss having a "FRIEND". Now dont get me wrong.. I have oodles of friends ...(380+ on facebook and orkut when i last checked) ..But then ..there are friends ..and there are "friends"...!!

Let me go back a few years... When I was a kid ..I used to go to this fancy I.C.S.E school ..while all my friends from the village went to the local schools. This created a huge disconnect amongst us , and even though friends with all of them ...I never really got the opportunity to open up to them as much as i would have loved to. I was always viewed as elitist or that rich kid who goes to a fancy school !!

Then came college . I was full of my own problems in college. I was this grossly overweight kid who was viewed as a nerd by most people. Blending in with the "Oh-so-cool" crowd was never gonna happen ...and even though I made some good friends in college ..most of them were uber-geeks and were just friends because of the fact that we could exchange study notes etc.

Then I went to Grad school to study Computer Engineering. Grad school was fun , and as I was away from home I started to enjoy my new found freedom. But then ..I fell in love ...and fell hard. So out of the four years in college ..I was in a relationship with this girl for 3 years ...and that pretty much took up most of my time. I started ignoring people ..and spending most of my time with her...and this caused my friend list to take a serious beating.

Then we broke up...
And i realised ..that I was alone once more. But I was already out of college and working , and had little time to myself ..let alone for others. Which brings me to the point of this rant... I dont have any true friends , whom i think i can trust. All those who had the potential to be true friends over the years , have either faded away ..or are not in touch anymore. It's like asif i was in a coma all these years...and now i've suddenly woken up!! But the room is empty...There's nobody to help me out... Nobody to tell me that they're there for me..Nobody to help me walk again. I feel so alone and depressed...and worse than a prisoner in solitary confinement.

I'm the type of person who needs someone to talk to. I need someone to tell me that its all right , I need the love ..the attention ..the words of solace when i'm feeling down and low. I need someone to tell me that they have faith in me ...Someone who'll trust me unconditionally. I need a friend who I know will never ever spill out my deepest darkest secrets .. I need a friend who'll take a bullet for me . And if you think I'm being selfish here...you are wrong !! I'd do the same for my best friend too. I'd do every single thing and much more..!! I'd gladly give up all ny friends just for one person who truly understands the sea of randomness that is me. If only I had a true friend... If only.... :(

The ghost in me..

Sometimes.. i look into the mirror.. and all i see is the ghost in me.what have i become..? What have i turned my life into? Ever since i remember..all i wanted to do was stuff related to adventure and exploration.climbing mountains..exploring the paths less taken...going where no man has gone before (okay..i borrowed that last line from star trek), but today..even though i'm sitting here with this comfy desk job at a software company..and pretty happy..i still cant help thinking...Is this what i really want?do i just wanna go through my life being a slave of the system..? Believe me..its not the money..or the sense of self satisfaction..its just the yearning to unbelong.For instance..i've always wanted to escape..just take a ticket out of here and backpack across europe.. Or visit the temples of angkor vat..be mesmerized by the grandeur of the macchu picchu ruins..I wanna live with the monks in tibet.. Pitch a tent in the middle of the amazon rain forests..climb a mountain just so that i can scream out from the top of my lungs..even though i know no one's listening.I wanna do all this and much more..and yet..when it comes to making a decision..i get cold feet.I start thinking about the present..and how such plans could affect my future.Its what i've become..conditioned to this life..safe inside my security blanket. And happily chained to my office desk.I wish i could break free..i really wish i could..but the saneness (or is it?) in me prevails.these dreams take a backseat..with the hope that one day..i'll be determined enough to follow my instincts and do what i always wanted to do.And i just hope that day isn't too far away..

Where is she ??

I want a girl..I want a girl who smiles when she sees me in the morning ..someone who gets lost in a world of her own sometimes ..Someone who dances to the music played at a cafe...someone who holds my arm when we're running through the puddles....someone who grins like a 5 year old while playing with bubble wrap...Someone who gives me an impish grin when she's hidden my shoes...someone who lets me bandage her when she hurt ..someone who is least bothered what others think of us ...Someone who'll be there for me at my hour of need... someone who loves cuddling up for no reason..someone who thinks nose rubs are cute too...someone who will let me dance away the night with her...someone who'll look into my eyes and assure me that every things right with the world . Where can i find such a girl? I've looked far and wide...and I'm beginning to think she doesn't exist !

Bakraaaa... !!

Well... I must say i'm turning out to be quite the original prankster...!! ;) One of my colleagues at work prides himself at being a professional photographer.. And I really wanted to do something that would make him think that his photography skills have bee recognised. So i grab one of the nokia news letters ...edit the html code to make it looks asif it was an invite to him.The body of the email stated that his photo had been noticed by the talent scouts on flickr and they wanted to display it at a photography contest which was going to be held in pune on the 26th of august.Click on the picture below to see it full size :



Then i signed up for a web service which lets you send spoofed email. I sent the mail to him and made it look asif it had been mailed by Nokia Asia. The poor guy fell for it hook line and sinker !! I actually was skeptical about the success of the whole plan ...but on seeing his excitement on receiving the email ..i was having a hard time keeping a straight face. Hmmm.. And ohhh... The email I wrote contained a number on which he would have to call up to confirm his entry into the contest...

..And that number my friends ...was the number of a AIDS ,HIV and STD helpline based in pune.





You should have seen the look on his face when he actually called them up and started speaking to the person on the other end... A true kodak moment !!!
I'm turning into a real devil !! Gawd help me !! :D

Have you ever been stupid ???

Have you ever said something in the heat of the moment without realizing the consequences that might have later ? Have you ever lost a a best friend due to the misunderstanding caused by your fiery outburst ? Have you ever felt lonely and dejected and desolate even though its raining outside and children are jumping around in water puddles enjoying themselves ? Have you ever wished that you could go back to that very second in time and change the future forever ? Have you ever thought of how different life would have been if you had not to say those fateful words ? Have you ever felt as stupid as i am feeling right now ? :(

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