Tried my hand at writing a detective story...i know its trash..but just lemme know how bad...i.e does it make u wanna throw up ..or does it just give ya a mild stomach ache. commentz please ..
ch1:
Detective Hugo Peniz frowned as he slowly lifted the wet condom from the floor using his forceps. It Was a scented one..although it seemed like a mixtue of gooseberry and grape...it was most likely to be a grape one ... as that was the most popular flavour in this part of town.It brought back so many memories.. !! The distant chime of the wall clock awakened him from his lewd wonderland. Damm...he thought... i gotta stay focussed!! He observed the dangling peice of latex carefully , He could almost smell the heat .. the killer couldnt have gone far....
ch2:
This was the third case of this kind in the past two weeks. The previous two victims had been killed the same way , but what was so different about these cases was the way they had been murdered. No sireee.. this wasnt your traditional hit n run killer...this was the work of a pro.The victims were all found naked and cold , with a large chunk of sausage stuffed up their asses.. but all with a satisfied expression on their faces. "kinky bastard"..he said to himself as he observed the pale white corpse lying by the poolside in front of him."Robert"...he shouted... "i want a full post mortem of this shit ".."gimme all you've got "!!
"yes sir"..was the reply."i'll get onto it .pronto"
Hugo peniz's eyes lit up ..and a sly smirk slid across his face .."i'm gonna get you this time ...Doc.Cock...yes i am ....!!"
p.s:
errr....this is where the boredom creeps in .. lemme know if yer interested in me continuing with this shit !! ciao..
Friday, February 25, 2005
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
No Shit... !!
morons de los saludos!!
Have you ever taken your dog out for a poopie ???ever been sorely dissapointed when your dog shits out green peas instead of the big fat turd you were expecting ?? If you answered yes to the previous question , or if you are a poop connoisseur like me then you might wanna log onto the Virtual Dogshit Creator . The site lets you customize everthing about your dog poo... from its textural intensity to its gravitational ratio. Its Really touching when you finally create your masterpeice . Mine looked something like this ...
If You are the philosophical type ..then why dont you take a look at "the internet is shit"
some real food for thought there.
Did you know there are about a zillion ways to shit ?? i was unaware of this until i visited the big shit list . And as it says on the website ... it is "The most comprehensive complete and descriptive listing of the different types of shit that spews from your ass"...definitely worth a look !!
Have you ever taken your dog out for a poopie ???ever been sorely dissapointed when your dog shits out green peas instead of the big fat turd you were expecting ?? If you answered yes to the previous question , or if you are a poop connoisseur like me then you might wanna log onto the Virtual Dogshit Creator . The site lets you customize everthing about your dog poo... from its textural intensity to its gravitational ratio. Its Really touching when you finally create your masterpeice . Mine looked something like this ...
If You are the philosophical type ..then why dont you take a look at "the internet is shit"
some real food for thought there.
Did you know there are about a zillion ways to shit ?? i was unaware of this until i visited the big shit list . And as it says on the website ... it is "The most comprehensive complete and descriptive listing of the different types of shit that spews from your ass"...definitely worth a look !!
Monday, February 21, 2005
LoSt AnD FoUnD
Sunday, February 20, 2005
Good ol Uncle Sam...
uncle-sam-1
Considering how old uncle sam actually is...he'd probably be suffering from alzheimer's by now.So i thought it'd be nice if the US ARMY upgraded its "Uncle Sam wants you" slogan to a more appropriate one.
Saturday, February 19, 2005
Time For a Toast.....
I thought i'd be extra creative today and so i decided to take a slew of tests on what the internet has to offer me .. particularly pertaining to my demise and the aftermath. So for all you slimy creatures out there wishing that i'd get knocked down by an ambulance...so you could roll your eyes and in a fake scottish accent say "ohhh...how ironic !! " ...you'll be disappointed to know that i'll be sticking around for about another 50 years or so ... or atleast thats what the Death Clock predicts it as.
And You sick lil dipshits will be elated to know that i've be banished to the
"7th level of hell "according to Dantes Inferno Test .
Looks like afterlife is gonna be one big wild party .... WoooooooHoooooo !!!
Both the test results have been published below for your viewing pleasure ....
The sweet light no longer strikes against your eyes.Your shade has been banished to... the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how i matched up against all the levels:
P.S : God gave men a Brain and a Penis , but only enough blood to use one of them at a time ...
And You sick lil dipshits will be elated to know that i've be banished to the
"7th level of hell "according to Dantes Inferno Test .
Looks like afterlife is gonna be one big wild party .... WoooooooHoooooo !!!
Both the test results have been published below for your viewing pleasure ....
The sweet light no longer strikes against your eyes.Your shade has been banished to... the Seventh Level of Hell!
Seventh Level of Hell
Guarded by the Minotaur, who snarls in fury, and encircled within the river Phlegethon, filled with boiling blood, is the Seventh Level of Hell. The violent, the assasins, the tyrants, and the war-mongers lament their pitiless mischiefs in the river, while centaurs armed with bows and arrows shoot those who try to escape their punishment. The stench here is overpowering. This level is also home to the wood of the suicides- stunted and gnarled trees with twisting branches and poisoned fruit. At the time of final judgement, their bodies will hang from their branches. In those branches the Harpies, foul birdlike creatures with human faces, make their nests.
Beyond the wood is scorching sand where those who committed violence against God and nature are showered with flakes of fire that rain down against their naked bodies. Blasphemers and sodomites writhe in pain, their tongues more loosed to lamentation, and out of their eyes gushes forth their woe. Usurers, who followed neither nature nor art, also share company in the Seventh Level.
Guarded by the Minotaur, who snarls in fury, and encircled within the river Phlegethon, filled with boiling blood, is the Seventh Level of Hell. The violent, the assasins, the tyrants, and the war-mongers lament their pitiless mischiefs in the river, while centaurs armed with bows and arrows shoot those who try to escape their punishment. The stench here is overpowering. This level is also home to the wood of the suicides- stunted and gnarled trees with twisting branches and poisoned fruit. At the time of final judgement, their bodies will hang from their branches. In those branches the Harpies, foul birdlike creatures with human faces, make their nests.
Beyond the wood is scorching sand where those who committed violence against God and nature are showered with flakes of fire that rain down against their naked bodies. Blasphemers and sodomites writhe in pain, their tongues more loosed to lamentation, and out of their eyes gushes forth their woe. Usurers, who followed neither nature nor art, also share company in the Seventh Level.
Here is how i matched up against all the levels:
| Level | Score |
|---|---|
| Purgatory (Repenting Believers) | Very Low |
| Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers) | Very Low |
| Level 2 (Lustful) | Very High |
| Level 3 (Gluttonous) | Extreme |
| Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious) | Extreme |
| Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy) | Extreme |
| Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics) | High |
| Level 7 (Violent) | Extreme |
| Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers) | Extreme |
| Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous) | Extreme |
P.S : God gave men a Brain and a Penis , but only enough blood to use one of them at a time ...
Dead pigeons tell no lies....
Another day ...another dumb blogging attempt by the genius in "me". Some people don't just give up..do they ?? Its that human spirit that has kept humanity from the verge of extinction. The willingness to copulate... even though you've got a wiener the size of a peanut... the determination to ask that hot chick from chemistry class out ...even though u know ur the last person on earth she'll ever consider going out with. That's the magic of the human spirit .. which knows no insults ..has no boundaries of shame ...and can stoop to the lowest level possible in order the fulfill our lewdest desires. But then ...That's what makes us so unique ...so special ...and in some cases ..so stupid . Sometimes i begin to wonder (which usually happens when i'm constipated and waiting my turn outside an engaged toilet ) ...What would this world have been like if we didn't have the so called "human spirit" (and I'm not talking about vodka here ) inside us ?? Would you be any worse than the dumb , annoying , weird , pathetic bastard that you already are ?? Would you still be wasting your dull and boring life by spending time reading nonsensical blogs like this one ?? Would you still be watching the exploits of desperate wives on t.v ?? This is a very debatable topic ..and i'm sure "YOU" as a well informed reader that you are , will have something to say. But sorry..!! ..i really don't wanna know what u think ...and i dont care either !! ..and i'm sure that in spite of all the insults and the bullshit u've gotten from me today ...you'll still come back here tomorrow for some more of this crap ...coz after all ..you've got a little of that human spirit inside you too !!
P.S : A drunk guy merely speeds across a stop sign ...
But a stoner waits for it to turn green !!
P.S : A drunk guy merely speeds across a stop sign ...
But a stoner waits for it to turn green !!
Friday, February 18, 2005
Of bald pigs and pimpin wigs....
Greetings minions....
If you think what i'm gonna fry you with today has any relation to the title then ..ur sadly mistaken my friend . Life is often full of deception .. remember the time you went to the fancy restaurant and ordered the "chefs special roast duck" ..only to find out that the mess on your plate looked like rabid weasel with mutated genetalia !!
Im not trying to preach stuff here ...nor am i saying that devouring rabid weasels with mutated genetalia is bad...all i'm saying is ..we should expect a little less from life ... after all its life that rules us ..and not vice versa. Play along ...be the proverbial puppet ... its fun not knowing whats gonna hit you next . So chill out .. take a piss ..and continue living your boring mudane life till you have the privilege of being eaten by hungry wolves . atleast that'll be something to boast about with the guys above...!! till next time ... peace out !!
P.S : God doesnt play dice with the universe...
he just found out he's better at blackjack !!
If you think what i'm gonna fry you with today has any relation to the title then ..ur sadly mistaken my friend . Life is often full of deception .. remember the time you went to the fancy restaurant and ordered the "chefs special roast duck" ..only to find out that the mess on your plate looked like rabid weasel with mutated genetalia !!
Im not trying to preach stuff here ...nor am i saying that devouring rabid weasels with mutated genetalia is bad...all i'm saying is ..we should expect a little less from life ... after all its life that rules us ..and not vice versa. Play along ...be the proverbial puppet ... its fun not knowing whats gonna hit you next . So chill out .. take a piss ..and continue living your boring mudane life till you have the privilege of being eaten by hungry wolves . atleast that'll be something to boast about with the guys above...!! till next time ... peace out !!
P.S : God doesnt play dice with the universe...
he just found out he's better at blackjack !!
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Greetings Suckerzzzz....
so ...u finally did get suckered into clicking on thatt luscious link ..a link which promised you so much more than what you are seeing here. Well ...thats life ..and we're all entitled to make stupid mistakes when we're expected not to ...and screw up our chances of either getting laid ..or getting that goddam promotion we've been eyeing for the past decade. i'm not trying to rhyme here .. but if it does ..then so be it ... who ever did challenge the supreme power that sometimes unknowingly puts rhyming words into the innards of our gramatically incorrect sentences ..just to see our moronic faces light up with stupid expressions at the sight of a dumb rhyme. well..thats wasnt my intention whatsoever.. all i'm tying to write here is a dumb insensitive blog ..which makes absolutely no sense to a common man ( ur most likely to make some sense of it if you're on crack ). i know this blog contains a lot of grammatical mistakes ..and i'm proud to say i'm not apologetic about it at all... but then again ...if u did enjoy reading this worthless peice of crap i dished out using an old dirty p.c and 10 minutes of my time .. then please do come back for some more moronic trash gauranteed to whitewash your already brainwashed cerebrum,..for those of you who didnt like it .. all i have to say is ..you guys are special...and "i wish you well" ...( which actually means i hope u get hit by a trailer truck ).
keep checking this space for more gibberish ... or if you really have that much time on your hands ...why dont you read this trash once more ?? you'd probably be one of the lucky few who really understand the meaning of this literary gaffe.. (...which incedently...i've been trying to figure out since i wrote it ..) till then ... peace out !!
keep checking this space for more gibberish ... or if you really have that much time on your hands ...why dont you read this trash once more ?? you'd probably be one of the lucky few who really understand the meaning of this literary gaffe.. (...which incedently...i've been trying to figure out since i wrote it ..) till then ... peace out !!
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